From Where I Strand: Hair Revelations

My hair journey has been an eventful one to say the least. Ridden with hair loss and dandruff in cycles for years. Throughout all this I developed a strong desire for long hair which only became greater when I was introduced to the natural hair community. Before then I had thought my hair was pretty long for a natural. It was always  teetering between  shoulder  and  mid neck length. So when I started seeing all these beautiful women with really long natural hair I was elated. Black hair really did grow. I redoubled my hair efforts by wearing protective styles. My diet was also very good.
Hair (although it would be nice) is not a separate entity from the body and mind. I have noticed with myself that if  I do not deal with small stresses and try and put them on the back burner they will come back in three ways:

• Hair loss
• Dandruff
• Emotional Eating 

For the past year and a half  I have been working on dealing with stress and not internalizing and over thinking things.  During that time I changed my eating habits, started working out, and lost weight.  Still this hair drama persists despite the fact that all my life my hair has been finger combed, protectively styled, and moisturized. What I am realizing is that my whole way of thinking about my hair is flawed. I have subconsciously seen my hair a reflection of  "black hair." In my goal of inspiring other people I meet on their natural journey I have placed high expectations on my own head. A big part of this is that I need to stop thinking of my hair as a representation of black hair as a whole. I am one person, with one life, and one head.  Another part of this is pride. I don't want to be that natural who is always "stuck" in natural purgatory ( mid length hair) "I take care of  my hair". Without realizing it I have set out to make my hair proof  that black hair does grow. And that is not a healthy way of viewing ones hair. 

The last time I had my hair pressed  I felt mortified. My hair dresser told me I mite have a thyroid issue. I was almost happy, maybe this was what was behind all my struggles. Blood tests came back, and not only I was as healthy as ever, but I was back to square one.  I had no clue what my hair was doing or why.  When people gave me complements about my hair straighted I would say thank you, but what I was really thinking was my hair looks horrible.
 This is what I call the natural syndrome.  I became so use to being the only natural where I go ( in many places I still am)  which meant how my hair looked was very important so as not give off a bad impression of "natural hair."  

It is not our job as naturals to give people a good impression of natural hair. If thats what your aim is you are setting your self up for more frustration than any one head should cause.  My hair is reflection of who I am, not my hair length. Not anymore or any less.